you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
