i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize