All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
