We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
