did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
