I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
organizing the empties. That sober.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
