You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'm really busy with my period
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