dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
