I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
this hospital has no fireball
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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