I didn't shave. On purpose
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
