We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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