I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
