It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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