Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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