It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
