I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
