I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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