i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
