she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
