Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
