wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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