I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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