At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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