How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
dude. I can hear the air.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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