so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
