Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
