I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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