I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I am one with the molecules
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
