True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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