I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
