You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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