Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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