I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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