if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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