i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
