She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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