I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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