so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
