Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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