Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
