i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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