I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
