She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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