I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
