I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
