Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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