I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
