His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
