Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
