apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
