Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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