I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
