OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
