Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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