He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
