So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
