i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Fuck appropriateness.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
