I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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