My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
