Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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