Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Randomize
