Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
