You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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