do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
