So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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