Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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