I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
