I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
