how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize