Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
