Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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