Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
