I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
