Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
