At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
