Say something about gay babies.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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