she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
