My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
