when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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