He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
