So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize