Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
