I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
