she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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