he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
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