Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Drunk is not a location!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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