I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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