I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
