Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
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