grandma shit on top of the toilet
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
