I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
