He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
