im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
