Do vagina's smell?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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