No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
