How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
