Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
