return my video game
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
