she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize