He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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