lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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