So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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