are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
