uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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