And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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