We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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