shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I want a musical about memes.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
