I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
