he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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